This is my sad face: :(

I know I'm super late to this club, but that's what happens when you live in a foreign country that doesn't give a flying seagull about this sort of thing (granted, Japan has more pressing local matters to put in their news at the moment) and are pretty much internet-less when you finally get the news.

You know, the news that your favorite bookstore chain is closing.

Let's just get this right out of the way now: I was always a Borders fan moreso than Barnes & Nobles. There. Said it. Picked a side. Moving on, shall we?

Coming from super-duper rural Oregon, where the nearest bookstore of ANY kind is over thirty miles away in either direction (there are only two directions in these matters, you know), and the only bookstore that carries the titles and authors you actually WANT are three HOURS away...Borders was my friend. Borders was in malls and on convenient street corners when I bothered to be in those sorts of oh so big towns that had MALLS and STREET CORNERS *gasp*. A couple of Barnes & Nobles were there too, but were usually out of the way from where my family was driving so I never visited them much.

Borders was where I got almost my entire manga collection. And when I went through a phase where I didn't buy books at all, when I did buy books I bought them at Borders. Even the books I bought online were from the Borders website. I was a very loyal Borders customer. They pampered me with their rewards card. When I was a super poor college student (still the same, just no longer a college student *sigh*) I used to cash in my rewards for a super cheap book to keep me entertained. Borders stores were always within walking distances in our college towns. (Barnes & Noble not so much) and I actually preferred their stores in the long run because they were smaller and cozier and quiet. Usually I would be the only person in there (a sign of things to come, apparently) and would just stare at the fantasy wall until I finally found something I wanted to read. ...and then I would use my super cool rewards card to get super cool books.

When word got out back in February that Borders was closing a bunch of their stores, I worried a little but then felt better when I learned that none in Oregon were closing. Then I moved abroad, and just a couple of weeks ago I learned that Borders was closing for good.

It was a sad, sad day.

Many people, including myself, saw this coming, especially after all the stores that started closing back in February. I could sit here and wax and wan about why this might've happened, from management practices to an inability to keep up with the times, but if you want that kind of commentary you can go to just about any other blog post about the disappearance of Borders. Because all you're gonna get here right now is a budding author shakin' and cryin' because her favorite bookstore is going bye-bye.

Oh, doubtless I will find another one I love just as much. For now I have Amazon to fill the internet shopping void, but I do love picking out books in real life and taking them home at that moment. (I'm the same with CDs and clothes and well everything.) Plus no shipping fee! I'm too old-school still to get an e-reader (plus they're way out of my budget still) so until that day inevitably comes...well, for the moment I still live in Japan, and I'm happy enough to have a bookstore an hour away that has an ENGLISH section, haha! But there is also that sad little feeling when something that's always been a part of your life goes away. And since we live in such a technological age, it's not too far-fetched to picture a world where bookstores as we know them may not exist at all, and even for those who love change that can be a weird feeling.

But in the end there's one thing about all of this that really, really makes me mad.

I'm in the wrong country to be enjoying all the damn good going-out-of-business sales! Argh!

I always imagine Camp NaNoWriMo stealing outdated Old Navy commercials for their promotion.

But where do I plug in my laptop.

Although my lack of proper internetz in my apartment for the next month or so have stinted my ability to, you know, blog about writing and stuff, it's done a few wonders for that whole...writing thing.

This is my first official check-in for Camp, and I can safely say that I am right on schedule at 13,010 words (and I haven't written my 1600 for tonight yet). I'm having an interesting time of it, mostly because I'm doing something "new", for me: third-person limited, whereas almost everything else I write is in omniscient because I am God, sit at my feet and let God tell you a tale, damnit. Why are you not sitting down. Johnny, sit down before I smite you. Do you want to be made into a character? Okay, here's a story about a boy named Johnny who couldn't sit down. He died. The end.


AHEM.  As I was saying, third-person limited is something new for me.  I've decided for this prequel to only stay with three main characters, and only two of them will be very prominent for the first part (the other not getting any scenes herself until I introduce her in the second chapter coming up).  I can't really describe why I've decided to write this in limited, other than because it's what the story called for.  And when the story calls for something, who am I to say no?

Otherwise, it's the usual.  Some scenes fly by as I explore how these characters used to be, and other times I sit there going "damnit, they all have the same type of family! Pfft!" but it's the first-first draft who gives a rat's carnival balloon. I have plenty of time later on to go back and decide which character is going to get the better mother. (Damnit, I almost said "Hey so far nobody's an orphan!" and then I remembered FMC's being raised by her maternal aunt cause her parents are dead. Oops.)

Meanwhile I am also still editing the other novel. Because even though it's camp and I like busting out rough drafts, it still technically takes a backseat to my actual novel I plan on publishing first. (The camp novel may be a prequel novel but it's planned to be released between books 3 and 4 of the main series.  The other one will come out between 4 and 5 and is still in the advanced planning stages.)  I managed to edit another chapter today alone and I'm officially past the halfway mark.  I've decided that this revision will mostly focus on plot fixings and easily fixed grammar items such as LOL TOO MANY ADVERBS and awkward sentences.  POV tidying will come with the next through edit. I'm still angsting over where to introduce a character that I came up with halfway through the first draft.  AS it is, she breaks a giant, huge, DO NOT EVER DO writing rule and shows up during the climax without any mentions beforehand. Obviously I must fix this. I need to go back between this edit and the next (edit 2.5? lulz) and drop in conversations about her.  Oh, and I need to put in more butterfly imagery as it's the major symbol of the series and is relevant everywhere. And yet I keep forgetting to do this.  I think the symbolism part is just gonna be an ongoing edit.

Until then, does anybody know of any good cover designers who are, you know, cheap? Free is the best cheap! (Lookin' at you, graphic making friends of mine.) I've given up on designing my own nice cover and would just like somebody else to do it since I completely lack the skill.

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How is your Camp novel coming along?  Are you on track? Or did you fall out of the canoe...because you heard banjos and paddled too fast.

Oh goodness. Camping.

Camp has started on my side of the pond. As it approached I felt less and less like to do it, granted my other pressing writing projects, but once midnight rolled around I decided to give the new story a spin anyway...and i ended up writing 1851 words in an hour! Now, I currently do not have internet at my place, so that probably explains why...Regardless, now that the muse is stoked I may be able to finish Camp this year at any rate. But if I don`t I wont`t feel too bad about it, and it will be good practice for the actual Nanowrimo coming up soon enough this November.

As for what I am writing...it is one of two prequel stories for the CROSS// series, this one focusing on the main characters in their original incarnations.  I`ve been needing to write this story simply because I need to collect all my data and notes into one file that I can reference for the main story...damn, does it ever help to know the direction your characters are going in when you know where they are coming from!  But it`s the first time in a long,long time I am writing a story that I have to make up governments and geographies as I go along.  I have not done that since the earlier Nagnomei days.

So, just checking in to say that I am doing camp! Is anyone else doing it this month?  Did you do it last month? Or am I aaaalll alloooooone? ;)

"oneword.com" makes me wish I had come up with the idea, news at 11.

One (hardy har) of the links I've seen floating around the writing world as of late is that of oneword.com, a prompt site that gives you "one word" and a minute to write everything you can about it.  While prompt sites are not unique in themselves at all, nor is the idea of using "one word" to garner inspiration, this is the first time I've seen a site that combines both and also publishes what viewers have written (as well as including the damn timer!) I admit I've been having a bit of fun on it for the past few days. Here is my latest one word, one minute masterpiece~

Prompt: "expecting"

I was expecting nothing less from such a prompt. Usually it's some vague, or a noun that makes you go "wait, what, what am i supposed to write about that?" but the prompt "expecting" is quite easy. I simply write about what I was  expecting from a prompt. Oh, God, I think I'm running my brain into a circle.  Is this the part where I see forever? Or is this the part where I just get up and go get some cookies because I broke my brain again and it's time for cookies? I dunno. I wasn't expecting that.

 Pulitzer now, please.

(psst, post your own results in the comments please, I must be amused!)

brb going camping.

Stop. Mocking. Me.

Okay, so I'm not really going camping. That would be silly. We all know Hildred doesn't go outside without whining a whole lot about it. Besides, camping sucks. There's like...bugs. And no electricity. And it's during those grossly hot months.  And you're expected to squat and pee. NO THANK YOU.  Instead I'll be doing my camping online this summer, because I've just officially signed myself up for Camp NaNoWriMo!

I'm not surprised if you haven't heard of it.  It's been pretty hush hush until the site was unveiled a couple of days ago. Basically what it is is...Nanowrimo in the summer! I think the goal is to be able to run it all year round so you can essentially choose what months you want to nano in if November sucks for you, but for now it's in beta for July and fully functional in August.

Well, of course I signed up. I've got nothing better to do with my time outside of work - lol what like i have friends.  It'll be good for me anyway. I've been so deep in editing lately that I really need to just write again before my brain turns to mush.  So, for Camp Nano, I will be starting a totally new novel once more.  I will be working on the first of two planned prequel stories to the CROSS// saga, this one in particular focusing on the original incarnations of our heroes. The reason why I want to write it now is because I really need to get a lot of this backstory down on paper for my own reference if nothing else!   I'll only be doing the August session, however, because July this year is super busy at work for me and I want to keep editing for now since I'm on a roll with it.

If you would like to be my camping buddy, feel free to add me as a friend! My link is below!

http://www.campnanowrimo.org/campers/hildred

At least with this kind of camping I can't get any sun burns...

Musings of a RAGEQUIT author.

It's in my dreaaaams.

I've been having one of those months, dear readers.  You know, the kind of month where nothing is good enough and you're convinced that you're going to fail at everything and OH MY GOD WHY DO YOU EVEN TRY?? JEEZ.  Yeah, that's me.

Editing.  And reading.  Doing both at the same time. That's usually a dangerous combination, really. After years and years of being forced to set aside "pleasure" reading for what academia threw at me, I am now totally incapable of simply "enjoying" a book.  (Especially if it's you know, a horrible book, like are want to fall into my hands.)  Nope. I have to analyze it every step of the way - from style, to characterization, to how many damn lines there are in the average paragraph.  This wouldn't be too bad in the end, if it wasn't for the fact that I compare myself to the author I am reading every step of the way.

It doesn't even matter if I don't like the author's style, prose, or the way they treat their fans via what I've read on Wikipedia - no, I could thoroughly detest them, and I still become convinced that I'm still not good enough.  This is especially bad when you write fantasy, particularly serial fantasy, because there is a very concrete standard that readers expect.  Yes, you're supposed to bring "your own" to the table, but even  I expect certain things from the fantasy I read:  a grandiose atmosphere, a sense of urgency, sentences that blow me away and make me go "I want to write like that."  And yes, I do have a very distinct writing style of my own that is not always the norm.  I've assigned dashes and ellipses very solid jobs.  I've become self-conscious of my overuse of three sentence paragraphs.  I struggle to balance my copious amounts of dialogue in some instances with an adequate amount of prose. And yet it often feels all in vain when I pick up another (popular, of course) work and notice that I pretty much write nothing like them.  Is that a good thing?  Most of the time, yes, of course.  But then anxiety and self-hatred set in, and I think, "I will never be as popular as this.  My works will never touch anyone like this has.  People are going to laugh at my style."

True?  Undoubtedly, especially if my works were ever to become popular in the general writing world, let alone fantasy. Somebody will be sure to complain loudly about the way I use dashes and ellipses, somebody else will tssk at extraneous dialogue, etc etc. I'm okay with that, really.  Yet that horrible sinking feeling of "NO EVERYONE WILL DO IT HAHA" is always there and inhibits my ability to proceed with my own works.

Like I said before, I've been editing.  Since this was primarily a NaNoWriMo work, it's riddled with disastrous attempts at inflating word count - most specifically, adverbs. Adverbs everywhere.  I feel like I need bug spray to wipe them out every time I edit.  I know this is normal, every draft starts off like horrible vomit and that's the whole point of editing.  But the vanity.  The voice.  The one that says "You will never be ready! No one will ever take you seriously!" I really, really hate that voice.

Friends, teachers, many people tell me that I'm a great writer even for my faults, that I'm on the right track.  The real struggle for me is being able to believe them.  Are they serious?  Are they just inflating my ego?  Did they even read anything? WAS I SO BAD THEY SAID SOMETHING NICE? It can't be helped. This is what happens when so much of your life revolves around writing novels. I imagine it's much the same for singers playing back a recording and shuddering, for painters stepping back from the canvas at a shared gallery and finding nothing but faults in their own works.   Art is completely subjective, and that's what scares us the most.

So even though this is just one of those hurdles that I must jump over in order to fulfill my main dream in life, that doesn't mean I can't hate every minute of it. Be right back, lighting my book on fire - and then blowing out the flames while I clutch the poor draft to my chest and baaaaw  it back into precious existence. RINSE AND REPEAT. WOO.

SHORT STORY: Men in Uniform

Time to post my first short story here! Yay! I don't often write them, so consider this a special treat!

I'm actually working on a short story compilation with a theme of airports/airplanes and other things having to do with air travel. This is the first I've written for it although I have other ideas as well. This story in particular also takes place in the CROSS// universe, so bear that in mind when reading. I've changed some things around so it can be read as stand-alone so it's more "our" universe than "their" universe. (Hello, uniform shenanigans all over again.)

Come and get it okay thanks.